What Happened To Namimori?
by StMomo
Summary: Mary Sue has invaded Namimori, releasing Sue-beams into the air that has turned all our favorite bishies into complete drones! Only the girls are unaffected by the Sue! Will you be able to help them save the boys and take down the Sue? -on hiatus-
1. The Arrival

You smiled, taking a deep breath of semi-polluted air. Your train had just arrived. Ah, you were finally back in good old Namimori. Your home…well, technically you were Italian and had spent almost your whole life in Italy but dammit, Namimori was your home if you said it was your home! And technically, the train station was a mile outside of Namimori so you weren't home yet.

You paused in your moment of deep reflection to reach down and grasp the handles of your suitcase, pulling them behind you as you walked out of the train station. Whoever had come up with the idea of attaching wheels to suitcases was your own personal hero. After Chuck Norris that was…and the person who had created popsicles…and Hibari…oh, and the guy who'd first started packaging already sliced bread. But the wheel on suitcases guy was definitely on that list of your personal heroes.

As you exited the train station, you started the mile long walk to Namimori, suitcases trailing behind you like obedient little pets. Now, it probably would have been smarter to hop onto a shuttle bus going into Namimori or to hire a taxi but hell, cool people walked! Especially cool people without cars of their own! And besides, you were doing your part to cut down on pollution and to help the environment! Yeah, that's the reason you hadn't thought of a cab or a shuttle bus. It wasn't that you had a stupid moment or anything, nope, it was because you were environmentally kind!

And since it would be very boring to describe your mile long walk (you know, the whole 'you put one foot in front of the other and then brought the other foot in front of the next foot' would get tedious after twenty or so sentences), we'll just skip to the part where you'd just finished your mile-long hike. And look at you, such a healthy, in shape person! You were only panting and wheezing and sounding worse than a cancer ridden smoker with a hole in their throat…that was a plus to the last time you'd hiked a mile. You'd collapsed half-way through that time. Go you! You did a cheerful victory dance, complete with random air-guitar playing to commemorate this great moment of your life.

And then you stepped foot in Namimori at last, eager to get back to your apartment and store your suitcases before you went and found every last member of your family to glomp. You'd missed your family during your trip to Italy. Especially Tsuna…boy might shit out happy, fluffy bunnies and sparkly unicorns but he was still your boss and you wanted him around! It was boring without him and his harem to amuse you.

You hadn't even taken one full step past Namimori's town limits when the air was split by incredibly loud wailing. A siren? Why the hell were sirens sounding?

"Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!" a random voice called out, seeming to fill up the air around you. Random citizens turned to look at you as you gazed around. Why were there no women? You'd just realized that fact actually. Namimori was filled with just men now. Your eyes widened as you watched the random citizens start to pick up random boards and pitchforks and other various weapons as they slowly closed in on you.

Holy shit! GANG RAPE!

You weren't ashamed to say you fled screaming like a little baby. Your feet ate up ground, zigzagging through streets and down narrow alleys, dodging attacks from random males. What the hell was going on? Your eyes lit up and you almost smiled as you saw what seemed like a beacon of light and hope to you. It was Yamamoto and his father! They'd help you!

It was then that you saw the glint of the cleaver in Yama-papa's hand and saw Takeshi's kendo sword swing around to change into a sword. Ahh…no help there. With an even louder swing, you swerved as they gave chase to you, joining the mob. Ahead of you, your family members were now popping out of the woodwork. There! There was Gokudera! Come on you butt munch stalker, you thought, running towards him.

Only to swerve again when you saw him throw a dozen bombs in your direction. You fled shamelessly, increasing your speed as the sound of explosions closed in on you.

"Kill the intruder! KILL THE WOMAN!"

What the hell had Gokudera just said? And why the hell was the crowd picking up that statement, using it as some kind of battle cry? Tears were falling down in heavy streams as your chest started to fell like a sumo wrestler had decided to sit on it. You were going to die here!

A hand came out to grab your wrist, your feet nearly sliding out from under you as they pulled at you. Oh god, please make this death quick!

"(Y/n), come on! We don't have time to stand here!"

Was that…it was! Bianchi! You'd never been happier to see the face of the coolest pedophile you knew…the only pedophile you knew to be honest.

"Bianchi-chan! What's going on?" you cried out as her hand pulled you in a different direction than you'd been going. The two of you kept running down a series of alleyways, dodging and darting attacks.

"No time to explain! You'll have to wait until we get to headquarters," she cried out to you as the two of you approached an open man-hole cover. "Now get going!"

You stared at her incredulously. Did she really expect you to climb down into the sewers? But the sound of the mob and their chant of 'KILL THE WOMAN!' were getting closer and you were sure as hell going to brave the dark and disgusting sewers before you braved the mob. So you began climbing down as quickly as you could, Bianchi closely following you as she slid the manhole cover closed behind her. As your feet hit the floor and you followed her as she ran through murky water, you could only think one thing. What the hell had happened to Namimori?


	2. Boobzilla

_A/N: Thank you to each and every reviewer. I'm glad you liked the start of this story and I hope you'll like this chapter as well. Also, I ask my readers as a whole: What about fanfiction bugs you? It doesn't necessarily have to be a Sue cliche, it can be a fanfiction cliche in general. Do script fics make your brain numb? Does harems make you want to puke? Do long ass author's notes (much like this one) make you want to shoot something? In short, what do you think needs to be mocked and ridiculed until the ends of time (or this story). Feel free to rant and rave but please, I'd like to know so leave it in a review or a message to me._

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After what seemed like an eternity of running, Bianchi finally allowed you to slow your pace. The two of you had been running through murky, disgusting sewer water for a while now, criss-crossing directions and going through various sewer pipes. You'd been keeping up a steady stream of 'are we there yet' for the first little while, getting no response from the woman in front of you. Apparently, she didn't know or just didn't want to answer. It was when she rounded on you, face screwed up in annoyance and a poisonous, purple, bug-filled cake popping out of nowhere to appear in her hand that you'd shut up.

So the running had been most silent. You really hated silence. But you hated being poisoned even more so you managed to shut up. But it was really hard for you to shut up so it was no surprise that, when you slowed to a walking pace and after you had caught your breath, your mouth opened up again.

"Are we…"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence," Bianchi warned, poisonous, purple dumplings appearing in her hands this time.

So you didn't finish that sentence. Nope, you started another one. Smart, huh? After all, she had only told you not to finish that sentence. She hadn't told you to shut up.

"Bianchi-chan! My pants are soaked right up to the knees."

"I don't care."

"You should! These are damn new pants."

"They're ugly and they make your ass look huge. Now shut up, we're almost there."

You did shut up though it wasn't because you wanted to or were listening to her. Nope, it was because you were busy sulking at her comment. These pants were not ugly! They were cute and goddamit, you did not have a fat ass! It was just pleasantly rounded!

So instead of having a conversation with Bianchi to pass this boring trip through extremely foul-smelling sewers, you tried to focus your attention on the path you were taking during this trip. Right…right again…straight ahead…left…crawl on your knees for a bit…then straight…then right…no maybe that was left. Fuck it; you'd always been bad at directions. You'd been doing good to remember which one was your left and which was your right.

Then like a miracle straight from God she said those blessed words.

"Down this tunnel and then we're there."

Screaming joyously and nearly shattering her eardrums, you rushed ahead of her and ran pell-mell through the straight tunnel she'd been pointing to. It wasn't a long distance and in no time flat, your knees hit concrete. Though it hurt, you didn't even give it a second thought. No, you were too busy gazing around you in wonder. This was fucking sweet. It was an underground lair, complete with hammocks hanging from the walls and furniture strewn about.

You climbed up the high concrete step that separated the sewer from the evil-lair looking thing as Bianchi came up behind you.

"How do you like it?" you heard her ask as she hopped up the concrete stair as well.

"This is fucking awesome! It's like some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shit mixed with the ultimate smelly evil lair!"

"HARU IS NOT EVIL! HARU IS A GOOD GUY!"

Your head turned to the sound of the scream, wondering who could have said that. Well, would you look at that? Haru was here! Now that you took time to notice, this lair thingy was filled to the brim with people. Haru, Kyoko, Bianchi, Chrome, Hana, and you were there. Oh, and there was Nana Sawada! And Lal Mirch! And the Cervello as well. And there was Adelheid and P. Shitt! And Iris Hepburn! And Oregano! And Lussuria?

Leaning over to Bianchi, you stared at Lussuria as he waggled his fingers at you, approaching you.

"Why is Lussuria here?" you stage whispered.

"Well, apparently he wasn't affected by the current situation because he's not attractive enough to be shipped in yaoi pairings and too gay to fall victim to our enemy."

"Hey! That's not very nice! I am so attractive!" Lussuria yelled, glaring and shaking a fist in a child-like manner at Bianchi.

"So our enemy tried imprisoning him in Vendicare like she's done to anyone she doesn't like or who won't bow to her whims. The few of us who'd evaded capture held a jailbreak and managed to extract Lussuria and a few others from the prison," Bianchi finished, completely ignoring Lussuria, who was now sulking.

He sulked even more when you ignored him as well. Bianchi usually ignored him that was nothing new. But you? You never ignored him. You realized he was a great member of the even greater Varia and you paid him the attention he deserved. Except for now, where you let him fade into the background like the minor, non-attention-worthy side character that he was.

"Okay, I understand that," you said to Bianchi, your brow furrowing up in confusion. "But why are they here?" you demanded furiously, an arm being thrown out suddenly to point accusingly at Adelheid, P. Shitt and Iris Hepburn. "They aren't even in this arc!"

"Don't be stupid," Adelheid said, stepping towards you with a smirk, her boobs bouncing with every step she took. Damn, you could hear those things clear across the room…probably could hear them bouncing clear across Japan. "Everyone knows that Sues, and hell, most fanfiction authors never pay attention to the arcs of a series. It's all about furthering their wonderful romance with (insert hot bishie here)."

"Hey! Don't call me stupid!" you shouted over the myriad others in the room muttering, asking what an arc was and what fanfiction was.

All of a sudden a loud, shrill cry split the tenseness between the two of you.

"THERE WILL BE NO BREAKING OF THE FOURTH WALL!"

You watched, awe-struck as Lal Mirch dropped out of the air, landing a spectacular drop-kick straight to Adelheid's breasts. With a startled cry, she bounced right back up as if she'd just jumped on a trampoline. When she came back down, her outstretched legs landed right on the smirking, obnoxious Boobzilla's head and Adelheid fell down, knocked out cold. You shouldn't suppress the victory cry you felt.

"GO LAL MIRCH!" you screamed, running around in circles before punting an imaginary football into the ground. "Wait…" you said, something dawning on you as your face lit up in curiosity again. "Why do I know your name before I've ever even met you or been introduced to you? I mean, you might be in the arc I'm in and all…but you were battling against the fake ninth while I was watching the Ring Battles."

Lal Mirch's eyes narrowed and with a ferocious scream, she launched herself at you.

"NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! AND NO DAMN LAMPSHADE HANGING!"

All you felt next was a tremendous pain before everything went black.


	3. The Situation

When you next woke, you were lying on the cold, slimy concrete floor of the lair, several faces hovering above you.

"(Y/n), are you alright?" Haru and Kyoko cried together, each stretching a hand out to help you up. Chrome just squeaked and looked down at you with worry in her eye. I-Pin said something in some foreign language that you didn't understand. Bianchi was looking at Lal Mirch with a morbid smile.

"Wow, how hard did you hit her, Lal?"

"Not that hard. She's just soft," Lal retorted, her gaze sweeping over you before she stalked out of your field of vision.

"Ouch, my head," you murmured, raising your hands to grasp onto Haru's and Kyoko's. The two helped pull you up and rushed you over to sit on one of the couch's that littered the lair. As you sat down, the pain in your head lessened and you looked around the room. Every other person in the room had gathered around you, sitting on couches or chairs in a semi-circle. Kyoko and Haru were on either side of you, I-Pin on Haru's lap. Lal Mirch was standing on a beat-up coffee table, Bianchi was sitting in a chair adjacent to you and on another adjacent couch was a pink-eyed woman in a rather spiffy looking suit, Nana Sawada, and Hana Kurokawa.

"Didn't there used to be a lot more people here?" you asked, looking around.

"What are you talking about? There are only us and the Cervello, who are out scouting at the moment. Oh, and Lussuria but he's sulking up in his hammock," Lal Mirch said, pointing up at one of the hammocks hung above you. Ah, now you noticed the big black cloud above you. But still, you could have sworn there had been more people.

"What's going on anyways?" you asked. "I remember sirens going off when I came into Namimori and then the whole town was made of guys and I thought they were going to gang-rape me but they tried killing me instead! Even Gokudera and Yamamoto and Yama-Papa! It was fucking insane! And then Bianchi came! And she saved me and brought me down here! And then something happened!"

Your mini-rant came to an end as you tried to remember exactly what had happened. All you could remember was this gray static and a lot of pain. And a bouncing sound?

"Okay, who wants to start?" Lal Mirch barked out like a drill instructor, glaring at every last person in the room. You all recoiled a bit under her sharp gaze and nobody volunteered. With a long-suffering groan, she shook her head. "Fine, I guess I will."

She produced a snap-shot, a Polaroid picture, from under her cloak and handed it to you. You stared intently at it. It showed an almost inhumanly beautiful woman. She had thick, wavy pink hair that must have been incredibly long as it flowed out-of-sight of the picture, which cut off at her waist. Damn, how does she get it that color, you thought. And how does she manage to not get annoyed by that hair? You got annoyed by your own hair often and it was nowhere near that long.

She had wide, beguiling, limpid, magnetic, amazing red eyes that clearly showed a wide variety of emotions. They were gorgeous beyond all belief and you found yourself hypnotized by them even in a photograph. Then you snapped out of it. After all, this must be a **really **bad person. After all, red eyes-take warning! TV Tropes had taught you that and you weren't about to forget it.

You continued staring at the photograph. She had a beautiful face, aristocratic, haughty features that somehow managed to be approachable all at the same time. There were no imperfections on her face and her facial features were all pleasing. Cute nose, sharp and well-defined cheekbones, ruby-red and quite full lips. She was slim to the point where she should look anorexic but totally managed to look healthy and beautiful. And damn, would you look at that chest.

"HOLY SHIT! THOSE THINGS ARE BIGGER THAN ADELHEID'S!"

With that scream, you dropped the Polaroid like it was some poisonous concoction you'd only find in the hands of Bianchi. The others looked at each other, their faces equal parts of confusion and exasperation.

"Who's Adelheid?" Haru asked, rubbing her sore ears which had taken quite the hit from your scream.

"I don't know," you said, tilting your head and racking your mind. "But somehow I get the feeling that this person's boobs are bigger than hers."

"O-Kay then…" Haru drawled out, exchanging a look that clearly suggested she thought you might have hit your head harder than she first thought with everyone in the room.

"Anyways, who is she?" you asked, pointing a finger down at the fallen picture.

All the other women in the room exchanged looks. After a poignant silence, Lal Mirch resumed her information session.

"This person is our enemy. She goes by the name of Sakura Snapdragon Isabella Reiko Blooddemon Enoby Dragona Estraneo Shamal Vongola Sawada Yamamoto."

After saying this, Lal was quite winded and while she gasped for breath, the woman with the pink eyes took up the tale.

"Hi there. I'm Oregano. I'm part of Vongola's CEDEF. It's nice to meet you (y/n)."

"Nice to meet you too," you said, demonstrating a rare bit of manners for you.

"Anyways, I can only fill you in on what we know. We know that this girl magically popped up in the Yamamoto household. Nobody even thought this strange. For some reason, she brainwashed everyone, including the girls here," she said, gesturing to Kyoko, Haru, I-Pin, Hana, Bianchi and Nana, "into believing that she was there all along, a permanent part of the Yamamoto family. She was Yamamoto's younger sister, believed biological despite there being only three months difference in age. It was later revealed that she was a part of the Estraneo experiments when she was much younger. We do not know how the Estraneo got a hold of her since she was a very good combatant even at the tender age of three. But they did and they experimented on her. She now has amazing powers even greater than Rokudou Mukuro's. We do not know quite yet what those powers are but we do know that they are immensely powerful and that their power blows that of the sky flame completely off our radar."

You nodded at this and Bianchi took up the tale.

"Anyways, Shamal stopped by and we found out that she's also Shamal's god-daughter and that one of her middle names was actually Shamal, supposedly because her father owed Shamal big-time for something the pervert did. Things went on as normal for a while but then all the guys started getting weird. She'd been worshipped from the moment everyone set eyes on her. Even Hayato liked her and I always thought my little brother was gay. It even seemed like Yamamoto had a crush on her and that was kind of sickening to think about because he'd grown up thinking he was her brother. But when he found out she wasn't really his sister, damn, did he try to get with her fast."

Bianchi broke off at that, looking quite like she was about to puke. You looked around, seeing who would pick up the tale next. Everyone looked angry and disgusted, even Nana who always looked happy.

"So…what happened? I mean, why are we down here?"

"She did something to all the boys," Haru cried out, tears glistening in her eyes. "They all started turning on the women. Capturing them or killing them. Almost all of Namimori's women are dead or locked up."

"That's right," spoke up Kyoko. "She even tried to have me killed to give Big Brother a reason to angst!"

"Yeah, all the males became brain-washed. They'd do anything for her, including locking all us up. And what's even weirder is that some of the males, Lambo for instance, suddenly got replaced by their adult forms. Their child forms got locked up too," Lal said, her breath back and steady.

Your eyes narrowed and cut to Bianchi as you heard her start to gasp and saw the beginning of a huge melt-down occurring. Tears glistened in her eyes.

"Reborn…" she gasped out. "My Reborn! She locked up my Reborn and replaced him with a drone!"

"WAIT! BACK UP! SHE GOT REBORN!"

You jumped up, looking around the room, fear beginning to grip you. No, that couldn't be true. Nobody could get Reborn. He was the best.

Lal bowed her head and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, she got Reborn and all the other male Arcobaleno. They've all been locked up and replaced by their original, adult forms."

Your knees gave out and you slumped down onto the concrete. Only one thought was running through your head. You punched the ground as tears came to your own eyes.

"Why?" you whispered out, anger bubbling in you.

"We don't know. We speculate that the women are a threat to her, that she wants to be the special, one and only, almighty female that all the men love and adore. She doesn't want competition. As for the replacing the younger males with their older counter-parts, intelligence states that she considers the adult forms better looking."

"But why Lal? Why I-Pin? They're babies for Christ's sakes! Why Nana? Why any of us?"

"She thinks Colonello still harbors feelings for Lal," Bianchi told you bitterly. "And she seems to think that I-Pin might have something going with future Lambo. And as for Nana…"

Her voice trailed off.

"This is where it gets really weird. It turns out, according to newest intelligence, that the Estraneo weren't her real family. It turns out that she was the love-child of Vongola Nono and Nana Sawada, making her both the true heir of the Vongola Family and Tsuna's half-sister. She's held a grudge against Nana, who was such a slut-bag hoe that she threw her child in a dumpster after having a black-market birth to conceal her affair with the Nono, and blames her for her horrible past."

This is where Nana broke down sobbing.

"I'm not a slut-bag hoe! I don't even remember having an affair with anyone! I love Iemitsu! IEMITSU!" she cried out wildly, tugging at her hair with her hands and looking a little insane.

"We know, Nana. We know," Oregano said softly, reaching out to pat the other woman's back.

"But that isn't the worst part," someone spoke up and you jumped a little. Holy shit! Was Chrome actually talking? Voluntarily?

"Really? Because what they've just told me is pretty fucked. How could it get worse than a mind-warping, brain-fucking, let's kill all women and destroy everything good in the world psycho?"

"You haven't heard what she's done to the males."

You looked at Chrome strangely. She didn't look like herself. She looked angry actually, angry and a bit scared.

"What happened to the boys, Chrome-chan?"

"It's horrible. Any males that she wasn't interested in…she coupled them up. Made them into yaoi pairings."

You gasped as Chrome went into a flashback.

_It was a normal day in the Kokuyo lair. Chrome was sitting against a wall, watching as Chikusa ignored Ken who was trying to start a fight with the former. All normal and completely okay. But then…then it happened. Ken reached out and grabbed Chikusa by the shoulders, turning him around to face him before he swooped down and kissed the other boy hard. What was worse was that Chikusa wrapped his arms around Ken and kissed back just as hard. Chrome stared, eyes wide and very confused as she saw tongues slithering with each other. _

"_Kakipi! I love you!" Ken gasped._

"_I know," Chikusa said, smirking at Ken._

"_Let's go have sex. I'll even bottom, I love you that much," Ken whined._

"_Sounds good…but we have something to do first," Chikusa said, snapping his eyes over to Chrome._

_Ken's eyes flashed over to her too and she felt very, very scared. They were smirking at her and the whole place felt very dangerous. She was already getting to her feet and as the next words came out of Ken's mouth, she started running for her life._

"_Yeah, let's kill the stupid girl already. Sakura will help us break Mukuro out, remember. We don't need her anymore."_

_And Chrome fled._

As Chrome's flashback stopped, you stared at her. Then, with a cheery smile, you held up a finger, pointing to nothing in particular.

"Wow, Chrome-chan! I just saw your creepy and potentially scarring flashback. Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it?" she agreed.

You looked around the room, standing up and placing your hands on your hips. Your eyes narrowed.

"So what are we going to do about this?"

Everyone looked at you.

"We have the Cervello scouting for us at the moment. We have a plan but we're going to need help. We plan on rescuing our males and bringing an end to the bitch once and for all," Lal said, her eyes on you, an approving glint in them.

"We're just debating who we need first," Bianchi said, drying her tears.

"Well, isn't that obvious? We need…" you said.

"TSUNA!" Kyoko and Haru chorused.

"Mukuro-sama!" Chrome gasped out.

"IEMITSU!" Nana wailed.

"Reborn," Bianchi and Lal said.

"CHUCK NORRIS!" you said, pounding one hand with a fist.

At the end of your sentence, everyone seemed to curl up into themselves and they all looked depressed. They rocked back and forth, muttering 'Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris' over and over. They kind of reminded you of those two dweebs Chrome hung around every time someone said Mukuro around them.

"Did I say something wrong?" you asked, glancing around curiously.

Wiping away a tear, Lal looked at the floor as she answered you, still rocking back and forth slightly.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, (y/n), but when Sakura entered this world Chuck Norris self-imploded from the force of two great and terrible awesome forces existing simultaneously."

You gasped, horror-struck. Not Chuck Norris too!

"Then we need Jackie Chan!"

I-Pin said something quickly and Bianchi translated for you.

"I-Pin said her master once curb-stomped Jackie Chan in a martial arts tournament and he's held a grudge ever since. She doesn't think he'll help us."

Damn! I-Pin's master ruins the day!

"Then Jet Li!"

"Jet Li is busy shooting a movie. He said he'd love to help us but he really is too busy," Oregano said in a business like voice.

Then it dawned on all of you, a wave of pure brilliance passing through each and every last one of you.

"THEN WE NEED HIBARI!" you all screamed at the same time.

So, all agreed, you put your heads together, Lussuria even coming down from his hammock to help, and spent the rest of the day and night planning a way to find, capture, and unbrainwash Hibari Kyoya, the strongest Guardian.


	4. Bus Break!

_A/N: Okay, so I'm finally getting started on updating this. I'm pretty sure this chapter is kind of sucky but I hope they'll start getting better and funnier again from the next one on. Also, I'll be updating faster from now on but you probably won't get more than one or two updates a month._

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It's the following morning now. At least, we're pretty sure it was morning. It's kind of hard to tell actually since we are in a large room in the sewers and no light really gets to us, but yeah, we just know, from some mysterious and magical feeling that hit all of us all at once, that it is morning. I'm really very tired, what with spending all night up with the everyone, working on the plan. A (very) basic plan is now in place. It consists of four people going up onto the surface and scouting around until they find Hibari. Once found, the four will work together to beat the living shit out of Hibari and whoever might be with him, then tie all the males up in some old skipping ropes that the Cervello brought down to the lair when they returned from their scouting trip. Nobody really had any ideas of how to un-brainwash the males since nobody really knows much about how that Sakura bitch had taken control of their minds. So after beating the shit out of Hibari and tieing him up, the plan is just to drag him down to the sewer and keep him tied up here until a way to unbrainwash the males becomes apparent.

It's a shockingly simple plan, right? You're probably wondering why the hell it took all night to come up with something that stupid and simple, right? Well, there was a lot of tears, break-downs, and cat-fights to deal with. Not to mention Lal Mirch. Really, I don't think she realizes she's not in the military anymore and really doesn't have the right to boss everyone around. But she is scary so we all listen to her anyway. I don't know why she's scary though, she is a baby and all and a good solid kick to the head with a big pair of steel-toed boots would shut her up, but still, she is scary and nobody has any steel-toed boots down here. But yeah, back to the plan. It was amazing we even got that much done so stop laughing at how stupid our plan is. I'd like to see you do better! Huh! Huh! Wanna go? Yeah, yeah, didn't think so!

Now, as I was saying, at least two hours of the night were spent on deciding who would be sent out on our little 'mission'. Two lousy stinking hours of fighting and over-acting (the last one mainly thanks to Lussuria...really, that man should never give up his day job if you know what I'm saying). Nana Sawada's been reduced to rocking back and forth on the floor, curled in the fetal position and yelling out Iemitsu's name every few seconds so she was ineligible to go. Seriously, this whole situation has not been good for her. I'm starting to think Namimori will need to hire a shrink by the time this is over. Wonder if Shamal has a psychology degree too?

Anyway, after Lal kicked out six of Lussuria's teeth and looked like she'd do the same, if not worse, to the rest of us, someone finally suggested the brilliant and wonderful idea of drawing straws to decide who would be sent on the mission. I mean, I've heard of doing that before; in fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen it done in the movies a time or two. But I've never actually drawn straws for anything before so that was a cool new experience. Normally I just try to procrastinate and avoid working...it's bad for my mental happiness. When I want something, I whine and complain. It gets shit done. The straws were a nice change of pace though.

But straws are also evil. They are evil, conniving, sneaky sons of waxed paper! Since the four people with the shortest straws would be the winners and able to go on the mission, wouldn't you know it, I drew a short straw! It's my damn horrible good luck, I tell you! I hate being so damn lucky! I didn't even want to actually go on this stupid mission, I was just saying I did to have something to say! But anyway, now I'm getting ready to go on this mission with the other three people who got short straws too. Which are Bianchi and Lal, which is good since at least both of them can fight, and Hana, which is also good because at least when I suck at fighting any guys we see along the way, I won't feel like the worst fighter on the team.

"Umm...(y/n)," I hear Kyoko say. I wonder why she is calling me...or why she sounds so damn close. Turning my head, I find her standing right next to me. Letting out a squeak of surprise, I look at her curiously.

"Who are you talking to, (y/n)?"

"What do you mean," I ask her curiously. What does she mean? I'm not narrating anything.

"Yes you are. You've been narrating everything that's happened and is happening since the last chapter. It's getting a little weird since no one can figure out who you are talking to and people are getting annoyed when you insult them," she explains to me. Looking around, I notice everyone is either glaring at me or looking at me like I've got a few screws loose.

"Am I?" I ask Kyoko, who nods.

"Sorry then," I say. And then comes a RANDOM POINT OF VIEW CHANGE!

As you fell silent, you cast one last apologetic look around at everyone, shrugging slightly and feeling more than a little embarrassed. Why hadn't anyone told you you'd been speaking aloud earlier? Better yet, why hadn't you noticed it until someone pointed it out to you. You thought vaguely that you were beginning to understand why your mother sometimes told you she worried about you. You were seriously beginning to worry about you too. Maybe this whole situation hadn't just damaged Nana's mental stability, but yours as well. Damn this Sakura and her insanity inducing powers!

Actually, that thought brought your mental train back into the right station so to speak as you remembered, just at the mere thought of that evil villainess, what you were supposed to be doing. Though this mission wasn't really on your list of topmost enjoyable things to do (but then, you doubted it would be on anyone's list of enjoyable things...after all, risking your life to kidnap someone dangerous and likely to kill you wasn't likely to be fun for anyone), you were determined to see it through and do it good. You wanted your boys back! It was just too awful to think of having to live in a sewer with only girls and Lussuria for company for the rest of your lives!

So, putting aside whatever had been occupying your attention previous to this chapter's start, you got up from your position on your hammock, crossing the lair to where Bianchi and Lal were standing in front of the concrete step that led out of the lair. Hana was also crossing over to them and you both arrived at where they were about the same time.

As you and Hana approached, the older women turned their attention towards the two of you. Lal was studying you and Hana with narrowed eyes, obviously sizing you two up and even more obviously not liking what she saw very much. Bianchi just looked bored, as was the usual with her.

"So, do you two remember what we discussed last night?" Lal asked in a demanding tone, staring cooly at you and Hana.

"Yes," Hana responded, speaking for the both of you or so you assumed. You nodded though in case your assumption was wrong, agreeing with the other girl.

"Then let's hear it!" Lal cried, sounding slightly exasperated. Brats these days, she thought, honestly, no common sense or manners.

You cast a glance over at Hana, catching her eye and exchanging a look with her. Honestly, someone really needed to tell Lal to relax a bit. Hana just shrugged and both of you turned your gazes back to Lal, starting to speak in tandem.

"I understand that this is a dangerous and important mission. I will conduct myself accordingly and not do or say anything stupid. I will follow all orders given to me by Bianchi or Lal Mirch without questions. I will not try to be a hero nor will I whine and complain and run away like a scared little girl."

As the two of you wrapped up your speech, Lal nodded, showing her approval. Damn straight to everything the two of you had said. At least the two of you had that memorized. She hoped that the two of you would actually follow that plan though to be honest, she wasn't really expecting much, particularly in your case. She had already figured out to expect the least of you. And of course, if you did screw up, she could kill you and not be at fault. That was a good thing really, seeming as she wasn't all that fond of you and had been pretty much fantasizing about killing you since the two of you had met. Darwin would agree with her too.

But, with confirmation on yours and Hana's part taken care of, it was time to get moving out. A look passed between the four of you and as if drawn by some unseen and unspoken cue, the four of you pulled the hoods of your black sweaters, which were also handily brought back down to the sewers by the Cervello after their scouting trip, up over your heads. Glancing back, you saw the rest of the women (and Lussuria) standing in a tight-knit group, clustered around the furniture. Everyone was staring at you four, their faces both sympathetic, excited, and very nervous.

You tipped them a wink before turning your face back forwards. One by one, the four of you hopped down the concrete step, splashing down softly into the murky sewer water.

"Good luck!" Oregano called out. "Feel free to contact us via the com headsets if you need anything!"

The Cervello just stared, staying creepily quiet as they normally did. Really, those women were really very odd and very, very unnerving!

"Good luck! Be careful!" Haru and Kyoko called out enthusiastically, waving cheerfully to you though you could see the worry in their faces plain as day.

"IEMITSU!" Nana screamed out from the crowd.

And on that very disturbing and insane note, the four of you headed out of the lair, down the short tunnel and into the main sewers. The trip through the sewers was actually really quiet this time. Not even you tried to get a conversation going. It wasn't just because you knew that you wouldn't be able to since your travelling companions didn't like conversations that much...or maybe just conversations with you...but because the situation was so important and the air itself seemed to be pea-soup thick with tension. It was like those times in action films when the main characters are going into a seemingly impossible situation, looking all cool and the background music is blaring. You could actually almost hear the background music in this situation. Actually, scratch that last. You could definitely hear the background music for this scene of yours. It sounded exactly like the Mission Impossible theme song. Ha! That was kind of funny since the Mission Impossible theme was your ring tone... ... ...

Your ring tone! Now that you thought about it, you could feel your cell going off, vibrating in your pocket. Man, whoever was calling couldn't have picked a more horrible time to call. But wasn't that usually the way it went?

In the dim light of the sewers, it was a little hard to see exactly what you were doing and you scrambled around for a bit before you managed to find which pocket you'd put your phone in. Pulling it out, you answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey. Is Jimmie there?"

"No. I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that."

"No problem."

"Thanks anyway. Goodbye!"

"Bye-bye!"

Huh...that was kind of random, you thought as you hung up and stored your phone back in your pocket. Looking up, you noticed everyone was staring at you, their expressions dead-pan.

"(Y/N)," Lal asked, her tone drippingly sweet, a stark contrast to the anger in her eyes.

"What?" you asked back, curious and a bit anxious. That sweet tone obviously did not bode well.

"Give me the phone."

"What?" you repeated like a broken record, already starting to back away. No way was she getting your cell phone. That thing was too important to you.

"The phone. NOW!" she repeated, her tone losing it's sweet tone, replaced by pure anger.

"No!"

"NOW!"

"NO!"

"LAST CHANCE!" Lal Mirch screamed, clenching her little fists.

"NO! IT'S MY BABY! I MUST PROTECT MY BABY!" you yelled back, prepared to defend your precious from her evil thieving hands.

And then...and then...there was an action scene, the most amazing cat-fight in the history of the world, that is much too awesome and too graphic for this author to describe. And how did it end? Ha! Well, Lal Mirch beat your ass of course and took your phone.

Grumbling over the loss of your phone and rubbing your sore body, you slowly got back up from your kneeling position.

"Now let's get going! The manhole cover we'll be going through isn't too far away!" Lal Mirch said, sounding sadistically happy now.

Still grumbling, you followed the other three nonetheless. After about five more minutes of trooping through the sewers, the four of you stopped.

"Here we are. One at a time, single order. Let's go up. This street is just behind Nami Middle and is usually deserted. Get out of sight once you're up there. There's bushes nearby. Go hide in them," Bianchi ordered.

You waited and watched as one by one, Hana, Bianchi and Lal went up the ladder and out onto the street. Finally, you climbed up the ladder, ascending into a bright sunny street of Namimori. Sirens were going off, the same 'INTRUDER ALERT' one that had gone off when you had first arrived at Namimori but thankfully there was nobody on the street and you were able to slide the manhole cover back into place and escape into the bushes, joining the other three girls there with no problems.

Glancing at the three of them, a lengthy silence reigned. You saw no point in it, but apparently everyone else did because they quickly shushed you every time you opened your mouth. After a bit, Lal deemed the silence unnecessary and you noticed grudgingly that when she opened her mouth, nobody shushed her. She started to speak, saying something about a plan of action but you were barely listening. It wasn't because her lecture was boring, though it was, it was because a feeling had washed over you, sending shivers all over your body.

"My contrived plot devices senses are tingling!" you cried out excitedly as you figured out what the feeling was.

Everyone looked at you odd for a couple seconds before, with a look of dawning excitement, Bianchi shivered.

"My Reborn senses are tingling!" she whispered excitedly.

Before anyone could reply to either yours or Bianchi's odd comments though, the sound of an approaching vehicle was heard. The four of you watched as a bus drove painfully slow, no more than two miles an hour, down the street towards you. It was a nice, small white bus but the thing that grabbed all your attention was the gigantic banner on the side of it. It was a black banner with hot pink wording which you decided to helpfully read aloud.

"This is the bus travelling with the Arcobaleno while they undergo a jail transfer. Please do not attempt a jail-break as this bus is pitifully understaffed and has no security. Doing so would be detrimental to Sakura's master plan and would make her sad. Thank you in advance."

You finished reading before thinking for a second.

"Wow! That's really convenient! There's no way this could possibly be a trap! Let's go!"

Before you were even half-way finished your statement though, Bianchi was already jumping out of the bushes and running, shrieking wildly towards the bus. You looked at her and then back at Lal and Hana. Shrugging, you sent them a look, silently asking if they were going to follow her.

Lal pulled an automatic handgun out of nowhere and headed off towards the bus, you and Hana following behind.

You guys caught up to the bus just in time to see Bianchi melt the entire bus door with a huge glob of purple something.

Whistling in admiration, you climbed onto the bus after Bianchi. They really weren't kidding about understaffed. There was just the bus driver, which Bianchi was taking care of with a poisoned pie to the face and a guard at the back of the bus, who was heading towards you. Squealing like a little girl, you ran towards him and, with an almighty effort of putting all your strength into your leg, you kicked him straight in the balls.

He went down screaming and crying like a little baby. Hana and Lal were right behind you, rushing down the aisle to drop-kick, punch, and brutally beat the guard alongside you. Once he was black, blue, swollen and unconscious, Bianchi bent down and stole the keys from around his neck.

"Shall we?" you asked.

"Let's," Hana said.

Bianchi scurried around, unlocking all the chains connecting each Arcobaleno, who were all handcuffed, shackled, and gagged. Bianchi was too busy cuddling and ungagging the now unshackled Reborn so the rest of you four were left to ungag and unlock the rest of the Arcobaleno.

"Took you long enough," Skull complained as you ungagged him. Glaring, you shoved the gag back in his mouth once more before hoisting him under an arm.

"Yeah, kora! That was the worst bus-break ever, kora!" Colonello complained, jumping down from his seat to smirk at Lal Mirch.

"Shut up! We weren't the idiots who got captured!" Lal screamed, kicking Colonello.

"Ouch, kora!" he complained.

"Umm...guys, I think we should get going now!" Hana said, her voice sounding really worried.

"Why? What's wrong?" you asked unconcernedly as you hoisted Mammon up to ride on your shoulders.

"Because there are a lot of angry men heading this way," she replied, sounding close to tears.

Looking in her direction, you noticed that a mob of angry men, complete with ineffective torches and pitchforks were fast approaching the bus.

"Damn!" everyone swore in tandem.

Unboarding the bus, the Arcobaleno and the four women fled.


End file.
